I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize