I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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