she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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