I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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