I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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