I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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