She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize