once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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