K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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