Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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