Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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