Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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