if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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