saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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