RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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