Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
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I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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