I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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