sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize