Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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