so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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