Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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