i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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