Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

(1-763): View more from Minnesota

Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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(763): So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time (1-763): Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother. http://tfl.nu/6l4l

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(352): View more from Florida

my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.

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(352): my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better. http://tfl.nu/j6r0

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(703): View more from Virginia

I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.

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(703): I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/26i6

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(817): View more from Texas

Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".

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(817): Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel". http://tfl.nu/2v56

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(732): View more from New Jersey

This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.

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(732): This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together. http://tfl.nu/028o

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(318): View more from Louisiana

you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...

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(318): you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back... http://tfl.nu/qoth

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(573): View more from Missouri

You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.

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(573): You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad. http://tfl.nu/q4da

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(480): View more from Arizona

honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.

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(480): honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well. http://tfl.nu/eoih

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(407): View more from Florida

Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.

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(407): Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition. http://tfl.nu/erlj

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(910): View more from North Carolina

The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...

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(910): The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video... http://tfl.nu/iq5u

Replies (5) Good night (2095) Bad night (394)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?

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(336): Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank? http://tfl.nu/yo0k

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(636): View more from Missouri

Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.

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(636): Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy. http://tfl.nu/5193

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(714): View more from California

Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?

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(714): Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ? http://tfl.nu/wlh8

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.

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(+44): I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal. http://tfl.nu/i10i

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(616): View more from Michigan

The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".

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(616): The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag". http://tfl.nu/vc6w

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