Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
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Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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