Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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