there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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