He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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