just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
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In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
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Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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