We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize