He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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