I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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