i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize