I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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