I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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