i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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