I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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