this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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