My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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