2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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