saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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