Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
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I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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