Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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