I heard we made out
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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