You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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