Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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