Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Enjoy the penises
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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