I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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