God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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