I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
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