I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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